Inside the Secret World Of Cross-border 'Kinder Surprise Egg' smuggling

This Monday, CBC ran a news story about about a Winnipeg woman who was caught trying to enter the United States of America with a Kinder Egg in her vehicle.  Apparently Kinder Eggs are illegal contraband in the United States and anyone caught trying to bring one into the country is subject to a $300.00 fine.  This woman was let off of the fine but the saga continued when she received a formal seven page letter from the United States government requesting that she authorize the destruction of the seized Kinder Egg.  Furthermore, if she wanted to contest its' destruction, there would a $250.00 storage fee for the egg. 

Apparently the United States' Custom officials take the war on Kinder Egg smuggling very seriously!  The article went on to state that in the past year, border officials have seized up to 25,000 Kinder Eggs from 2,000 different vehicles.  This means that the average take is 12.5 Kinder Eggs per vehicle.  Those numbers definitely point to a sophisticated smuggling operation and I'm sure they're making a dent in it.

What is of real concern to me is how many of these sinister little Kinder Surprises have slipped through the ever so vigilant eye of U.S. Immigration and are now making their way through the black market to private collectors everywhere.  These officials are thoroughly trained at spotting people smuggling people, drugs, bombs and Kinder Eggs.  It's easy to spot a Kinder Egg.  It is always the same egg shaped item wrapped in tin foil with the words 'Kinder Egg' proudly displayed on the front.  Inside the foil you will find a chocolate egg with a 'milky white centre'.  Crack the hollow shell and you will find an orange or yellow plastic capsule and inside the capsule you will find a really cool miniature toy with IKEA like assembly instructions.

It is the Kinder Egg Surprise toy that is at the centre of the U.S. ban and the subsequent smuggling rings.  This toy is considered to be a choking hazard to children.  So, if we skip a few steps and head straight to the bottom line, we should be able to therefore assume that Kinder Egg smugglers are just grandmotherly type Canadian 'child chokers' and must be weeded out at all costs. 

I had the opportunity to test the Kinder Egg Border Security efficiency last summer on my annual cross border camping weekend.  I took the old van, my son and about thirty Kinder Egg Surprises over the border in plain view.  In my defense, I hadn't heard about the $300 fine per Surpise at this point. 

I rolled down my windows and answered the obligatory questions about citizenship and destination.  They checked out my son's i.d. and took caution to establish our relationship just in case I was a child smuggler.  It was as if their eyes were blinded to the illegal Kinder Egg Surprises that were in plain view, as the following picture clearly shows.

Here are the Kinder Surprises glued to my dashboard.  Homeland Security failed to detect them!







Then they wished us a great trip and waved us on.  The Surprises had been glued to my dash for a while.  I am wild over the toys, as everyone knows that it's really the adults that are purchasing them.  We give the chocolate to the kids and we snatch the toys for ourselves.  EVERY ONE'S A WINNER!  To give my rather impressive private collection the respect it deserved, I decided to display them in my vehicle where they would get the most exposure!  I also figured that they would amuse the grand kids on long drives. 

It never dawned on me that they would get hungry for the toys and eat them.  That didn't happen and I don't recall hearing of any Kinder Egg Surprise related deaths in Canada.  Then again, I never assumed that my son would shove a chick pea up his nose, requiring a trip to the emergency ward.  Somehow it never dawned on me to sue the chick pea farmer, manufacturer, grocery store, stock boy and cashier over the incident either.  Nor did I start a campaign to have them labelled or banned.

Kinder Egg, on the other hand, advises against giving the surprise to anyone under the age of three, in 17 different languages.  Still, if you are a citizen of the United States you may be allowed to keep guns in your home but if you want to keep a few Kinder Egg Surprises there, you will need to go the illegal route.  Simply google Kinder Egg smuggling and you will come across forums that provide the latest open smuggling channels.  There are small and dedicated pockets of sympathizers scattered throughout the world.

Word on the street is that the capsules are the preferred container of choice for smuggling dope into prisons.  I guess they can be easily concealed in bodily cavities.  Thankfully,  it is clear that Homeland Security isn't quite too sure what these Kinder Egg Surprises actually are yet so smugglers shouldn't have to resort this extent to conceal the Surprises just yet.

I encourage all my friends from the U.S.A. to live dangerously when visiting Canada and buy a few Kinder Eggs.  You'll see what all the fuss is about.  The acquisition of these little gadgets is addictive to the point that it is seen as a threat to the youth of America. 

Sure, our taxes are a little higher but the privilege of being able to play with our Kinder Egg Surprise collections in the open while puffing on Cuban cigars, with no fear of impunity,  seems like a small price to pay!

WE CANADIANS LOVE OUR CHOKING HAZARDS!

For more articles on the Niagara area and Canadiana, please visit the Attractions link or scroll through the blog archives.  Comments are always appreciated!

We Come In Peace